This is a true story of one woman's experiences as she was betrayed and ultimately deserted after 35 years of marriage. The trauma ultimately motivated her to self actualize and become a stronger, more confident, and happier woman. This story was published a number of years ago in her local magazine, and has been republished on my blog with her permission. I have changed all names.
Starting Over: After the Affair(s), when Jane’s husband left her for a younger woman, her life changed — for the better.
Thirty-eight years ago, at the age of 19, I married John, my first real boyfriend. I was head-over-heels in love with him, but even before we walked down the aisle, the writing was on the wall. While we were engaged he was seeing someone else, but when I tried to leave him, he broke down and cried, telling me he loved me and promising it would never happen again. I so much wanted to believe him, which is why I went through with the wedding. But in retrospect, I should have seen that as an omen, a sign of things to come.
If I had stuck to my guns all those years ago, I could have saved myself a great deal of heartache. But when you’re young and in love_
The first affair I knew about was four years after we were married. I was at home with the children, and didn’t know what to do. So like many women in the same circumstances, I didn’t do anything at all hoping it would blow over. And it did, until the next time, and the next, and the next.
No one knew about his extramarital affairs. Not his children, our neighbours or my closest friends. How could I have told anyone? You feel such a fool when you’ve never worked, looked after your own finances or even driven a car. All I had ever done was stay at home and raise my three kids, look after my husband, and our house. How could I admit to anyone that my life was less than perfect? That even in this domain, I wasn’t really in charge, respected or happy?
This went on for several decades until six years ago when everything finally fell apart. He told everyone I was going through the menopause and that they would have to excuse my tears and unhappiness, never for one minute accepting responsibility for them himself. He told everyone that I would never be able to survive on my own, and we all believed him, which is why I stayed. I’d never had a job as I had no qualifications because of getting married so young and he said minimum wage jobs would mess up his taxes. He told me I was good for nothing, and undermined my confidence so much that I really thought I didn’t deserve any better.
Then, three years ago, he came home and told me he was leaving me for Christine, a woman the same age as our youngest son. I immediately packed my bags and went to stay with my son and daughter-in-law, and then onto my daughter and her husband. A month later I was in hospital after threatening to take my own life. My daughter and her family came and looked after me and finally, with the support of my family and friends, I went back home to get on with my new life without John.
During this time, I learned what love and real friendship truly mean, and I don’t think I could have got through this without the incredible support system I discovered I had.
I learned to get my own bank account, write cheques, use the ATM machine and pay my bills over the phone. One great friend taught me to drive at the ripe old age of 54, and I haven’t looked back since!
I also have a job. Minimum wage, doing housework for other people, but I love working outside my home, meeting new people and having my own identity and money. I am considering starting my own business, although I still have John’s voice in my ear telling me that I can’t do it, and that I’m no good, but I’m getting there. I’ve started career counselling, and for the first time ever I’m excited about the future.
I’ve heard through the grapevine that John has married Christine. I wish them both well.
I’m not jealous in the slightest, Since John leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am now my own person, no longer just “John’s wife,” and have gone back to using my maiden name because I now know who I am. And I like that person. I’m proud of who I’ve finally become.
Thank you for reading my blog post. I hope you enjoyed the experience and the content. Cheers, joseph https://about.me/jravick
“If you light a candle for somebody else, it also brightens your path.”
“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” – W.L. Watkinson
The Resolver 